Dude someone cold tried to break into my car

Luckily Audi door technology was more than a match for the burglarious wazzocks, and they managed only to break off and jam a metal sliver in each lock, rendering the car un-openable even by its legitimate owner (me). With a bit of jiggling of Leatherman screwdriver and pliers I managed to un-jam the passenger side so I could at least, you know, drive the car.

I dare say they were after the satnav, which I am not dumb enough to leave in the car, although I am dumb enough to leave the mount attached to the windscreen, as if to say ‘Please fruitlessly damage my car doors in a vain attempt to defeat the electronically-coded central locking with a nail file’. What is particularly cheeky is that they did it in the little car park at the back, in full view of my living room and overlooked by five other flats and innumerable houses and people walking past.

I do not have a girlfriend so that car is basically all I have emotionally right now.

I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way

I have had a nice relaxing day chomping bacon, reading Hikaru No Go and listening to Julian Gray & Ronald Pearl’s Baroque Inventions. In between times I am also reading Richard Fortey’s The Earth: An Intimate History, and plotting the delicious curry I will be making later.

So it is a good day all around really. Also, more songs from the Archway Guitar Quartet:

Liberals under the bed!

I think this is brilliant. This really is a genuine book, not something made up to discredit American conservatives, like a sort of inverted Protocols of the Elders of Zion. The best thing though is the Amazon review which says:

I loved this book! Not quite as good as the last book, “Help, Mom, There Are Jews in the Attic!”, but still a great jump-start program for getting the youth involved in the party. Can’t wait to read the forthcoming “Daddy, Come Quick, There Are Coons in the Garage!”

I do not know much about American politics, but I can’t help thinking it is a bad sign when the word ‘liberal’ has become an insult.

Feveral ufeful Inftruments and Contrivances

I just got through reading London’s Leonardo: The Life and Work of Robert Hooke. It is not very good, but Hooke is so interesting that it doesn’t really matter. Scientist, engineer, inventor, astronomer, horologist, architect, city planner, natural philosopher, professor, hypochondriac, surveyor, diarist, the comparisons with Leonardo are not idle. It is strange that he is so little known, but like Leonardo, he was interested in everything and tended to flit from one subject to the next without actually finishing things. I am the same myself (I am not saying that I’m a genius: that is for others to say. I’m just better at starting things than I am at finishing them).

One nice bit in the book is Hooke’s to-do list for October 1663, which I think underlines the point:

  • Prepare a paper on what should be observed and recorded for a history of weather
  • Make and demonstrate a hygroscope from the beard of a wild oat, with an index
  • Prepare two thermometers invented by Christopher Wren, one of tin, the other of glass
  • Make an artificial eye
  • Arrange for a suitable concave glass to be made and use it for projecting a picture in a lighted room
  • Cut out a piece of dog’s skin and stitch it together again to see if it will grow
  • Take lodgings in Gresham College and supervise the operator in making a new air-pump and a machine for measuring the force of gunpowder
  • Show microscopical observations of a common fly and of moss growing on a brick
  • Take care of the [Royal] Society’s repository in the west gallery of Gresham College and place a label on each object so people can know what it is and its provenance
  • Get ready to demonstrate to the King [Hooke’s] new device for taking soundings at sea without using a line
  • Graft feathers onto a cock’s comb

I love that. Insanely ambitious doesn’t even begin to cover it! Of course he invented and built many extraordinary things and is justly famous for his Micrographia full of astoundingly detailed engravings of insects and plants and minerals under the microscope, and discovered Hooke’s Law, and designed telescopes and barometers and watches and astrolabes and sextants and air-pumps and hygrometers and magnetometers and gravimeters and cider presses and calculators and windmills and, bizarrely, a ‘whale-shooting engine’, but you have to laugh at the sheer intellectual exuberance and chutzpah demonstrated by a list like that. I think we would have got on.

Now I am reading David Hume’s Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding and Concerning the Principles of Morals, which is really intresting and not a dusty old book of phillersophy like you thought. It is like one of those great drunken conversations about life that you have when you get back from the pub, only Hume was probably not eating a kebab at the time.

I think it would have been great to go down the pub with Hooke and Hume for a pint of Leffe and some nuts, and intellergent conversation. I need to invent a time machine as many of the people that I really want to talk to are rarther inconsiderately dead.

Chicken Finchley

This is a delicious recipe that I invented really late last night when I was drunk.

You will need:

  • Chicken pieces (breast or thigh is good for this)
  • Vegertable soup or similar
  • Pasta
  • Garlic, pepper, salt, thyme, rosemary, olive oil

How to make

  1. Smash up the thyme, rosemary, pepper ekcetera (if you are a cookery genius like me you will have a pestle and mortar handy)
  2. Brush the chicken pieces with olive oil and roll in the smashed herbs
  3. Pop them under a hot grill and meanwhile put on the pasta to cook
  4. When the pasta is done, drain and toss with a little olive oil, and add the soup and garlic, cover and simmer on a low heat.
  5. When the chicken is done (poke a knife into it and see if the juice runs clear) shred it into lovely bite size pieces, and stir into the vegertable goo.
  6. Serve with a chilled LAGER or similar.

This is a great recipe when all you have is some sad looking chicken and some things in tins, and you are drunk.

Actual food may not match picture. Or be as nice.