It is a shame people do not like birds

There was a programme on the other day which was Bill Oddie’s Top Ten Birds, it is basically people’s favourite British birds. I think this is a super idea for a programme as most people have seen and like birds, even if they do not exactly know anything about them. So it would not kill you to watch a few minutes of explaining about robins, or looking at a bluetit nesting. But I bet I am the only person in the universe that would watch that show.

It is a shame as I can think of nothing better than to nestle down watching a programme like that with someone else that would like it, perhaps with a few snacks and a posh beer. But so far from finding a person like that, if I ever tell a girl that I like finding out about birds and going to the pond to see the coots, or watching a pair of magnificent swans on the wing, or shrieking out ‘Ooh! A kingfisher!’ like an over excited child, they always lose intrest and remove me from their buddy list.

There is only one person that liked to go places with me where they have birds, or look at programmes on the telly eg The Life of Birds which is amazing, but she did not want to go out with me after a while, but mirabile dictu it was not due to the bird intrest.

Even my friends advise me not to mention that type of thing as it is a dating no-no, but that seems stupid. Surely I ought to be honest about what I am like and the things I like, in the hope of finding someone else that likes the same things! Especially as the more rare and precious those things are, the harder to find someone that likes them too. If there is someone that would look down on you because you like wandering by a placid lake at evenfall listening to the mournful croak of the moorhen, instead of being a top investmint banker or making lots of money, they are not the person for me anyway.

It makes no difference anyway as people soon find out what you are like. I think it is OK to carry on being intrested in the many unfashionable things I am intrested in, and just wait for fashions to come round to me instead.

We Investergate Anything

Community pimping time as I have invented 3investigators which is all about the Three Investigators detecktive stories which if you do not know about them, you should do. Radio mystery writer Robert Arthur created his immortal junior investigative trio in the 1960s to solve a range of baffling mysteries including a stuttering parrot, a screaming clock, a coughing dragon, a whispering mummy, and so forth. Unlike those odious jocks the Hardy Boys, the Three Investigators used their brains to solve problems, which almost always included cryptic messages, literary references, and some pesky kids meddling where they didn’t belong.

The Three Investigators books were set in California, which made it pretty exotic for me as a book-obsessed child growing up in Cornwall, and for the first time I had characters I could identify with, who were only at school yet were well-read, intelligent and articulate (well, some of them) and did intresting things. Jupiter Jones, their leader, was not exactly the athletic type, yet he was a voracious reader and a devotee of Sherlock Holmes, all true of myself, and he lived with his Aunt Mathilda and Uncle Titus in the Jones Salvage Yard, Rocky Beach, which always seemed to me the most exciting place in the world to live. Inside the junkyard the Investigators had built themselves a secret headquarters, complete with crime lab, office, files, and telephone. What kid would not kill to belong to a club like that.

So anyway everyone should go and join my 3investigators community because it is the best. You had better do it or fear my wrath.

Going to the Pembury this Sunday

Would anyone like to come with me to a special magic pub in the land of the Faraway Tree (it is Hackney in fact) on Sunday. It is the Pembury Tavern which everyone except me seems to know about, because I am deliberately kept in the dark about fun things and everyone meets there to talk about me and guffaw at my foolishness!

I have decided this should end and all Pemburians will face my wrath, as I am going on Sunday to evaluate matters for myself and possibly play the War on Terror game (idem). I hope a lot of people will come as well as otherwise I will look like a bit of a wazzock on my own.

Please click on the link on your screens now (look away if you do not want to know the result) to inform me of your magic pub going status. Mark your entries ‘I want to meet keithlard at the Pembury Tavern’, even if you do not.

War on Terror, the board game

Julie sent me this link which is fantastic:

percyprune, is this one of yours? Also, won’t somebody think of the children?

Alberto Montt de nuevo

The party was going really well, until Aquiles served the margaritas.

Your place or mine?”

Here are the names. Remember, you’ve got to make it look like an accident.”

Curiosity killed the cat… and 17,453 bystanders.

It’s payback time, Dr Soto. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.”
“Shit.”

Happy… sad… thoughtful… wistful… tormented… angry… placid… melancholy. The expressive world of a Botox addict.

Polyphemus invents Velcro

Condensed milk

Here we go again. Every time we have an argument, you always react the same way.”