Nature's bounty

This is when I was wandering around Hampstead Heath with Matt and Laia, and we saw a cormorant. It is a little known fact that cormorants sunbathe, they also smoke Silk Cut, drink sangria and have ill-advised holiday romances with a bloke named Gino.

Everybody thinks robins are really cute, in fact they are vicious, aggressive and fiercely territorial killers. So are crocodiles, but it is funny that you do not see any Christmas cards with crocodiles on, yawning widely to show their huge wicked carious fangs. Or if you did it would not be the type of thing you would hang over the mantelpiece.

It would be good if horses were exempt from the Congestion Charge, which they probably are, as everyone would ride horses in Central London which would be excellent. Except for the streets being waist deep in manure of course. These so-called ‘ecologists’ never think things through properly.

A cheerful crow yesterday. I guess people are not too excited about crows, but I like them. It is not their fault they do not get their clothes at trendy shops like magpies do. Crows are very intellergent and social birds, so it is a bit unfair that the collective noun for them is ‘a murder’. In fact speaking as a lawyer that is tecknically libellous, as very few crows have ever been successfully prosecuted for murder. Mind you they are a close-knit bunch and always give each other alibis.

It is fun to wonder what horses think about all day. “Hmm I’m bored with standing over here all the time… I think I’ll go and stand over here for a bit and chomp reflectively on this grass.” On the other hand they could be inventing wonderful horse poetry that they then recite to each other in horse language, and we do not know about it. So next time you see a horse, just remember: where would we be, without horses.

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