"It's not you... it's me."

Excerpt of a letter from Npower:

We’ll break the news to your current supplier that you’re changing to npower. Please don’t stop your payments to them yet because they can stop your move if you owe them money. Of course they’ll be disappointed that you’re leaving, so please give us a call and check the facts if they try to persuade you to stay with them.”

It is almost like a romantic relationship with my energy supplier. I have to say I’ve never thought of them in those terms. I like Npower, but not in that way.

Dear Powergen,

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I know I have been a little cold and distant lately, I am sorry. The fact is things are just not working out between us. I know I can be demanding, especially in bed, but you just haven’t been satisfying my need for warmth. You only seem interested in getting turned on between midnight and 7am, whereas I want you to be hot and ready all day long.

I have met someone else, on the internet. I know you will say she is cheap, but I’ve been seduced by her attractive tariffs and I feel an instant connection. Do not be upset as I am sure you will meet someone new and even better than me in the future. I think we have just both changed as people and there is not the same spark between us that there once was. I hope you can forgive me and I wish you all the best,

Keith

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