Dude someone cold tried to break into my car

Luckily Audi door technology was more than a match for the burglarious wazzocks, and they managed only to break off and jam a metal sliver in each lock, rendering the car un-openable even by its legitimate owner (me). With a bit of jiggling of Leatherman screwdriver and pliers I managed to un-jam the passenger side so I could at least, you know, drive the car.

I dare say they were after the satnav, which I am not dumb enough to leave in the car, although I am dumb enough to leave the mount attached to the windscreen, as if to say ‘Please fruitlessly damage my car doors in a vain attempt to defeat the electronically-coded central locking with a nail file’. What is particularly cheeky is that they did it in the little car park at the back, in full view of my living room and overlooked by five other flats and innumerable houses and people walking past.

I do not have a girlfriend so that car is basically all I have emotionally right now.

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