It's Finchley Fish! (now with intresting chips)

Stuff to buy at the shop where you buy food

  • Some fish
  • Lemons
  • Flour
  • Parsnips
  • Salt and pepper ekcetera

What to do with the stuff

  1. Preheat oven.
  2. Cut the parsnips into chips and drizzle with olive oil and salt.
  3. Bake in oven for 30m or until nearly crispy.
  4. Heat some oil in big pan.
  5. Drench fish in lemon juice, salt, pepper ekcetera.
  6. Roll around in some flour (do not laugh it is obvious what I meant).
  7. Fry.
  8. Serve with delicious vegertable chips you prepared earlier.

Sunny Sunday Onion Bread

This is a delicious recipe which is invented by me, keithlard, and not copied off some flour.

You will need

  • Granary flour
  • Onions
  • Brown sugar
  • Garlic
  • Rosemary
  • Olive oil
  • Butter
  • Yeast
  • Salt ekcetera

How to make

  1. Chop up the onions and garlic and fry for a while until the onions have gone all nice and caramelised. Stir in the brown sugar.
  2. While the onions are cooking, mix up the flour, butter, yeast and salt with a spoonful of olive oil. Mix in warm water until you have a pliable dough that leaves the bowl clean.
  3. Stir in the caramelised onions.
  4. Knead while listening to cheerful polka music, like Kramer and Newman making sausages.
  5. Leave in a warm place until doubled in size. That is the dough not you, it would be a bit worrying if you doubled in size although you might after eating lots of this tasty bread.
  6. Put into loaf tins or a big dish and brush with olive oil and the chopped rosemary.
  7. Put into preheated oven at 230 degrees C or basically as hot as it goes.
  8. Bake for about half an hour or until delicious.

Keithlard's Juicy Thighs

This is a nice thing to do with chicken thighs. Breast of chicken can be a little bland and dry so I really like the luscious tender dark meat of the thighs, full of sinful fat and flavour. Do not laugh because it is obvious what I meant. It is not a sex thing; mixing chicken and sex is almost never a good idea, unless you’re a cock.


  • Chicken thighs
  • Carrots
  • Parsnips
  • Leeks
  • Such as broccoli, ekcetera if you like it
  • Garlic
  • A lemon
  • Rosemary & thyme

It is super easy to make as well. It is impossible to get wrong.

How to make

  1. Marinade the chicken for a while in some olive oil and the juice of the lemon, with smashed up pepper and salt.
  2. Put oven on to medium.
  3. Cut up the vegertables indiscriminately and put in a baking tray.
  4. Put each chicken thigh in a bit of foil and make a little parcel of it with the lemony olive oil, rosemary and thyme.
  5. Bake for about 45 minutes until the vegertables have gone all shrunk, and the the chicken parcels are steaming merrily.
  6. That is it really.

When you serve it you can pour the delicious lemony chicken stock all over the vegertables. With luck they should have gone all caramelised, with crispy dark bits on the outside and tender juiciness inside!

You could have sex afterwards if you liked. Not right afterwards though. Government safety advice says you should not have vigorous excersise on a full stomach, whether yours or someone else’s.

Chicken Finchley

This is a delicious recipe that I invented really late last night when I was drunk.

You will need:

  • Chicken pieces (breast or thigh is good for this)
  • Vegertable soup or similar
  • Pasta
  • Garlic, pepper, salt, thyme, rosemary, olive oil

How to make

  1. Smash up the thyme, rosemary, pepper ekcetera (if you are a cookery genius like me you will have a pestle and mortar handy)
  2. Brush the chicken pieces with olive oil and roll in the smashed herbs
  3. Pop them under a hot grill and meanwhile put on the pasta to cook
  4. When the pasta is done, drain and toss with a little olive oil, and add the soup and garlic, cover and simmer on a low heat.
  5. When the chicken is done (poke a knife into it and see if the juice runs clear) shred it into lovely bite size pieces, and stir into the vegertable goo.
  6. Serve with a chilled LAGER or similar.

This is a great recipe when all you have is some sad looking chicken and some things in tins, and you are drunk.

Actual food may not match picture. Or be as nice.


This is how I make them anyway.

You will need:

  • Samosa pastry (ask at your local wizzo Indian grocers or they might have frozen spring roll pastry at the supermarket, it is the same stuff basically. Ideally, go to ‘Goodeats’ in Long Lane, Finchley, where the man is really friendly and has loads of delicious Indian snacks and ingrediments. I am not affiliated with him though except that I like his shop, and enjoy eating its contents.)
  • Potatoes
  • Chick peas
  • Regular peas
  • Some meat if you like it
  • Optional sweetcorn
  • Green chillis
  • Seasoning: you can use whatever you have, I like to crush up some cumin and coriander seeds, and then add some fresh coriander, which I always have in massive bunches around the kitchen, because it is delicious. Lots of chilli powder if you like your samosas spicy.

How to make:

  • Boil the potatoes
  • While they are boiling, cook the vegetables and/or meat.
  • Defrost the samosa pastry but do not let it dry out too much, keep it in the wrapper or wrap it in a damp teatowel. If it dries all the sheets stick together and then it is a pain to separate them.
  • Mash the potatoes and drain the veg and bosh everything together in a big pan with the seasoning.
  • Add enough water to give it a nice mushy clumpy consistency, not too wet, not too dry.
  • In a wok or big frying pan, heat enough oil for deep-frying.
  • Take a strip of pastry and put a spoonful of goo at one end and then roll the other end around it in a roughly triangular sort of shape. Brush the loose end of the pastry with water and press to seal it.
  • When you have made enough samosas, pop them into the oil three or four at a time and fry until crispy and golden. The oil must be nice and hot as otherwise the samosas will just disintegrate into limp, sad little parcels. Let it heat up again for a few minutes in between each batch.
  • Dry on kitchen paper.
  • Using a hand or other instrument, put each samosa into the large hole in the front of your face and chomp thoroughly until eaten. Wash down with LAGER or other cold, fizzy beer.

Samosas are great because it is like a little curry pack lunch. They are also delicious cold, if not more so. The nice thing is you can make the goo and keep it in the fridge and make a fresh little batch of samosas whenever you want them, or if a tall handsome curry-loving man comes round to visit, such as me.