music

This night has opened my eyes

It is times like this that prove I am actually a time traveller from the past, like a sort of reverse Terminator, only a nice Terminator that chats to you over tea and buns instead of shooting you in the face. I do not know anything about pop musick and such, as I do not consume any media, or go to fashionable bars ekcetera. So it is possible for me to not know about quite major pop phenomena as long as they happened after about 1873.

I was wandering around Staples, the stationery pornographers, happily looking at little organising drawers and musing over which are the twelve best different types of pens, when there came on the radio a hideous cover version of “Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before”. I have heard it before, only by the Smiths, which are obviously the best band in human history, and I did want to stop it, except I could not saw through the little wires leading to the speakers.

I had to hurry home and listen to the Smiths version again just to make sure that it was still excellent. I do not think people should be allowed to do cover versions, which includes me in several of the poor quality bands that I have been in. I speak as someone who has genuinely recorded a cover of Katie Melua’s “Closest Thing To Crazy”, although thankfully I have not released it. It is safely under lock and key in a disused filing cabinet, with a sign on the door saying “Beware of the Leopard”.

So my point stands.

New single

Well I once made a musickal record album called puresound, which was received with great critical acclaim by both people that listened to it, one of them was me though so it is not that convincing. It is just some loops and samples and things that I did in a sound editor, while drunk.

Here is some more if you liked that. It is made of some things I found while rooting through Ulrich Schnauss’s bins, but he saw me out of the window and told me to clear off. In German obviously.

keithlard's bath news

Well I did not have it the other night in fact, as I got distrackted by watching a programme about a top secret Russian aeroplane which was 150 times the size of a Jumbo jet. They had to have special giant stewardesses to push the huge supper trolley (I made that last bit up actually. But the rest is terrifyingly real.)

It was quite exciting yesterday as I was working at an advertising trade show in Olympia, full of smartly dressed shiny faced people with practised fake smiles and industrial strength make-up. There were also a lot of evidently hired dolly birds, in skimpy outfits or skin-tight PVC (eurgh! clammy!). I would love to be a fly on the wall at the meeting where their manager says ‘So that concludes the briefing on our new corporate sales strategy… oh, and it would really help us out if you could wear a silly plastic nurse’s outfit tomorrow.’

The funny thing is if they were allowed to just wear normal clothes and talk to people normally, they would probably have more effeckt as no one is going to buy a £1 million PPC bid management platform from someone dressed as a lunchtime stripper. Also, I bet they do not say to the male sales people, ‘Oh, and would you mind wearing tight rugby shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt? And being attractive?”

Anyway, when I got home I thought I’d have that relaxing bath as I have been feeling a bit stressed out lately due to doing about 4 people’s jobs. I am one of Nature’s techies and it is nice being indispensible, but even I get a bit worn out when I am fixing laptops with one hand, typing code with the other, and reconfiguring a server with my feet. So I had a tasty creamy chicken soup and crusty bread for dinner and got into the bath.

It is great actually having baths as it is like a hot, wet bed. Actually that simile does not sound awfully attractive but you know what I mean. I had a glass of posh wine and listened to Beethoven’s piano sonatas, and read Christopher Priest’s The Prestige and Patrick O’Brian’s Post Captain. It was quite a long bath!

The space between things

Well I have been dusting off the old guitar. Quite a lot of dust came out of the ceiling as well due to me getting lyverbyrd’s effects processor to work. It needed some batteries (you would never know I am tecknical).

This is a cheerful little song I invented especially for k.s. who gave me the title! Sorry I did not have time to make an accompanying video.

Leavin' Los Lobos

You realise this may be basically the most important Google video of all time.

It is just a man sitting in a room playing the complete guitar works of Heitor Villa-Lobos. If you do not know he was a slightly nuts Brazilian that wrote the most vivid and exciting guitar music, anyone that plays the classical type guitar knows all about Villa-Lobos and probably plays his Preludes or Studies. I can play a bit of one of them, not very well, except I get a bit mixed up in the middle and do not remember it.

The bloke that plays in this video is really good although I do not know who he is. (It does not matter so do not write in.)