Some birds enjoying lunch

I have set up a bird café in my garden, and I have already got some interesting diners. Here are some intrusively candid pictures of them (no release forms were signed).

A trip to the Lakes

Stanborough Lakes, that is, in Welwyn Garden City. I thought the Lotus was looking restive and needed an outing, so we burbled cheerfully through Hertfordshire on a wildlife noticing expedition. I had a super walk around Stanborough Park and noticed various different types of wildlife, eg a swan, some coots, cormorants, two moorhens having a punch-up outside a pub, some massive mallards tucking into the buffet lunch provided at the boating lake, and a lot of rabbits.

Also some trains, this is not technically wildlife, but quite interesting if you like trains.

So it was a lovely sunny day out, and that is the best type of thing to do on a Sunday. Except for going for one or two reflective pints at the local pub, which I will do now. It does not get better than that I am thinking!

The secret pictury

It is photos of mine which have never been viewed on Flickr. So yours will be the first human eyes ever to see these stunning images, except mine obviously. And I am only taxonomically human. As usual click on the pictures to see bigger versions, and automatically donate money to the Keithlard Pie Fund.

keithlard's pictures of the year

This is your captain keithlard speaking, thank you for flying Air Lard this year, and we hope you enjoyed the flight. The local time in Finchley is 20:47, and if you look straight ahead you will see keithlard’s top ten photos from this year, chosen by an independent panel of keithlard. Please fasten your seatbelts and refrain from smoking as we enjoy these gourmet photergraphs, followed by a selection of cheeses. This is my most favourited picture on Flickr.

No introduction needed to this building.

Two lovely Canada geese, taken at the Welsh Harp reservoir in London’s exclusive North London.

The car is not really moving at a zillion miles an hour, that is the power of the long exposure.

The low resolution and noisy sensor of my little phone camera works best with strong forms and bold colours. This is one of my favourite pictures that I have taken with it.

I took a lot of photos of skyscrapers this year. This is a nice one, Tower 42 in the City of London.

Part of my Fridge Poetry project.

Best candid of the year, taken at Camden Town station. If you are one of the passionate couple depickted here, contact me to win five pounds.

My most viewed picture on Flickr, taken before the smoking ban obviously. Now even just thinking about smoking is punishable by death, squads of armed tobacco police are roaming the streets to hunt down offenders.

The Lloyd’s Building, reflected in the Willis Building. I like this one, especially as the glorious curved sweep of glass makes the picture look like a fisheye distortion.

Well I hope you enjoyed those, I had a lot of fun taking them. I am looking forward to doing lots of photergraphy next year, I have got some new gadgets to try out, eg a circular polariser. And it really is a beautiful world. See you there in 2008!

Too early

I got up extra specially early today so as to be organdised, but obviously I have made a mistake as it is very cold and even animals are looking at me in amazemint as if to say “did your alarm go wrong?”

There is a lovely big crow perched on the lamp post outside my window, trying to warm up in the golden morning light. People do not like crows in general, but that is just because they is black. They are only the same as magpies really which everyone thinks are exciting. If you think about it magpies are just crows with fashion consultants and good PR. They even have their own song!

Some peculiar information

I arose betimes and visited the municipal recycling centre, which used to be called the council tip before we lived in an era of branding, metrics and leveraging synergy to monetise stakeholder value. Then in the intrests of charging the battery I accidentally drove to St Albans and back really fast in my Audi, strickly speaking I should only have been out for twenty minutes, but it turned into about two hours by mistake. This is what happens when you have an Audi.

It was a super sunny day so I went out bikesploring after that, I saw the Hendon Weir heron again but this time in flight! It was flapping lazily like a pterodacktyl. NB this is baseless speculation as I have not actually seen a pterodacktyl, using the power of the imagination I imagine it would look exactly like a heron though.

I went to the Welsh Harp and thoughtfully took my camera, I got some intresting pictures of swans, coots, and also a flying heron! So there will be some photergraphic evidence soon and you can be the jury about whether it looks like a pterodacktyl or not.

It was glorious sunshine sparkling on the water and trees and all Nature held her breath like a drop of crystal dew glimmering on the spider web of morning (good writing). (Memo to self this is opening page of novel.) I bikled up to Golders Hill Park and then back to London’s exclusive Finchley for some refreshing drinks at the Dignity. I got into a very intresting conversation with a drunk man, about Dostoevsky! That is the type of thing that only happens at the Dignity. It is that kind of pub.

The adventures of Baron Keithlard

Well it has been a grand few days, I went bikling with Jane yesterday and we saw a grey heron at Hendon Weir. I thought it was the same one I normally see at Brent Park, except we went to Brent Park and saw another one! So that is two herons.

Jane was great as she came all the way to Brent Cross with me, via the sinister witch’s cottage, and we had delicious toasted paninis and coffee. I bought an unnecessarily massive Leatherman knife in Blacks and Jane got a hat!

On the way home we saw a wagtail and a meadow pipit. I was out bikling today and I saw a kingfisher by Henrietta’s Pond! So in bird terms it was a wizzo weekend. In other news, we saw the Simpsons movie. I laughed immoderately throughout, it was jolly lucky that some popcorn did not become lodged in my trachea due to laughing while eating popcorn at the same time.

It is a shame people do not like birds

There was a programme on the other day which was Bill Oddie’s Top Ten Birds, it is basically people’s favourite British birds. I think this is a super idea for a programme as most people have seen and like birds, even if they do not exactly know anything about them. So it would not kill you to watch a few minutes of explaining about robins, or looking at a bluetit nesting. But I bet I am the only person in the universe that would watch that show.

It is a shame as I can think of nothing better than to nestle down watching a programme like that with someone else that would like it, perhaps with a few snacks and a posh beer. But so far from finding a person like that, if I ever tell a girl that I like finding out about birds and going to the pond to see the coots, or watching a pair of magnificent swans on the wing, or shrieking out ‘Ooh! A kingfisher!’ like an over excited child, they always lose intrest and remove me from their buddy list.

There is only one person that liked to go places with me where they have birds, or look at programmes on the telly eg The Life of Birds which is amazing, but she did not want to go out with me after a while, but mirabile dictu it was not due to the bird intrest.

Even my friends advise me not to mention that type of thing as it is a dating no-no, but that seems stupid. Surely I ought to be honest about what I am like and the things I like, in the hope of finding someone else that likes the same things! Especially as the more rare and precious those things are, the harder to find someone that likes them too. If there is someone that would look down on you because you like wandering by a placid lake at evenfall listening to the mournful croak of the moorhen, instead of being a top investmint banker or making lots of money, they are not the person for me anyway.

It makes no difference anyway as people soon find out what you are like. I think it is OK to carry on being intrested in the many unfashionable things I am intrested in, and just wait for fashions to come round to me instead.

Nature's bounty

This is when I was wandering around Hampstead Heath with Matt and Laia, and we saw a cormorant. It is a little known fact that cormorants sunbathe, they also smoke Silk Cut, drink sangria and have ill-advised holiday romances with a bloke named Gino.

Everybody thinks robins are really cute, in fact they are vicious, aggressive and fiercely territorial killers. So are crocodiles, but it is funny that you do not see any Christmas cards with crocodiles on, yawning widely to show their huge wicked carious fangs. Or if you did it would not be the type of thing you would hang over the mantelpiece.

It would be good if horses were exempt from the Congestion Charge, which they probably are, as everyone would ride horses in Central London which would be excellent. Except for the streets being waist deep in manure of course. These so-called ‘ecologists’ never think things through properly.

A cheerful crow yesterday. I guess people are not too excited about crows, but I like them. It is not their fault they do not get their clothes at trendy shops like magpies do. Crows are very intellergent and social birds, so it is a bit unfair that the collective noun for them is ‘a murder’. In fact speaking as a lawyer that is tecknically libellous, as very few crows have ever been successfully prosecuted for murder. Mind you they are a close-knit bunch and always give each other alibis.

It is fun to wonder what horses think about all day. “Hmm I’m bored with standing over here all the time… I think I’ll go and stand over here for a bit and chomp reflectively on this grass.” On the other hand they could be inventing wonderful horse poetry that they then recite to each other in horse language, and we do not know about it. So next time you see a horse, just remember: where would we be, without horses.

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