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Haven’t you got better things to do?

The gospel according to keithlard

The nation of Keithlard declares its independence from LiveJournal! It is nice to have things on your own server (powered by Bitfield Consulting, who kindly provided free hosting seeing as I own the company) and hopefully this will encourage me to write more!

GTA San Andreas

I normally get very bored by computer games. The only ones I like really are ‘sandbox’ type games where you can wander around a world choosing what you want to do. I used to love Elite for this reason. Clever programming gave the illusion of a huge and detailed world full of other people going about their business independently of you. You could genuinely choose how you wanted to play the game: as a trader, pirate, bounty hunter, or just explorer.

The only other game I’ve any time for is Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Even though this is quite an old game and the graphics are not all that, it still impresses due to its vast and lovingly detailed world, with three very different cities spread across a landscape of deserts, forests and mountains, and its rich and varied gameplay.

Because you can go anywhere you like and do almost anything, it’s hard to get bored. Although there are some semi-linear storyline missions you need to complete to unlock the whole world, there are plenty of side missions you can do or just explore. You can steal and drive any cars, motorbikes or boats you find, and there are also helicopters, stunt planes, airliners and military jump jets to fly. You can be a pimp or a vigilante or a taxi driver, or export stolen cars for cash, or gamble in the casino, or take part in race tournaments or lowrider contests.

Mostly, though, I find it comforting because it’s a complete fantasy world that you control and that you can go to any time you like and do anything you want with no real consequences. If you die, you just wake up again outside hospital, minus your medical expenses. If you get arrested, you just get released again straight away.

If things in the real world are not going very well, I can always go to San Andreas and blow some people up with heat-seeking missiles and machine guns, and then steal their car and crash it into the police. I find this immensely cheering.

The Man of La Muncher

Well here I am at my country castle, nestling next to the stove and warming my hands on a traditional MacBook. Luckily I am getting used to the castle-dweller’s lifestyle and always lay in supplies of wood and beer before I leave. Then when I come down I can immediately stuff wood into the stove and beer into my mouth. One time I got that mixed up and I can only describe the results as ‘disappointing’.

I cruised down to Cornwall this afternoon in the two-seater, enjoying an audiobook about Jesus and the Gospels. There was not much other traffic on the A303 so much of the journey was spent in hyperspace, although I did see a little yellow Mini. Man that Mini must have been modified in some way, as it was nearly keeping up with the Elan. Do the new Minis have nitro? (Memo: investergate this.)

Well I must go and have dinner now. Burger and chips! According to the governmint this can help you lose weight as part of a burger-controlled diet.

Hunt the Artist

It sounds like some cruel future bloodsport, where mild-mannered painters in smocks and pince-nez are harried across open country by flying robots with machine guns. Sadly it is not that, because that would be awesome. Instead it is a web site me and my Mum made about my stepdad’s art:

Paintings and prints of Cornwall by Raymond Hunt

I do not know why people bother with paintings though as it is a very time consuming process. I can see why cameras have caught on. Imagine if every time you went on holiday you had to lug an easel, brushes, oils, palette ekcetera and spend ages painting your mate’s smiling drunk face in a bar. The holiday would be over by the time you’d done the snapshots.

keithlard, ruthlessly weeding out inefficient activities.